It has been a while hasn't it? Life has gotten busier with getting married and adding to my tribe! Difficulties have presented themselves pretty quickly and consistently these past two months. About 2 days after getting married, the emotional battles began. Not because of my new husband, but because of outsiders opinions about us and our marriage. God knows our hearts desires. He knows our intentions and has blessed and challenged us. The key is to not let the challenges overtake us and make us doubt God's faithfulness.
My focus for this blog is going to shift a little, now that I'm a married woman. Some of what I touch on may be different than what I typically share. Maybe....
First I want to talk about....
BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE!
Anyone call that one? Haha!
Boundaries in a marriage look different than boundaries outside of a marriage relationship. I had boundaries as a single, dating woman to define myself, keep my independence and establish my character. My basic standards remain the same. My boundaries have had to be tweaked and continue to evolve. My husband and I became one when we spoke our marriage vows before God. We are still individuals, and we still have our own personalities and character traits. We are establishing ourselves as a couple and and a family. It's been tricky! We both have kids from previous relationships and we both have baggage from those broken relationships.
Here are some things I have learned these past two months.
My husband is not my enemy
I established my original boundaries so that I wouldn't let myself be taken advantage of. So I would be in control of myself 1) spiritually, 2) financially, and 3) physically.
1) Spiritually
As a married woman, my spirituality and relationship with God is still primarily MY responsibility. My husband is called to be the spiritual leader, but so often we wives use that as an excuse not to take responsibility of ourselves spiritually. "Well, he's not leading me, so I'm not even going to try."
BULL CRAP!
Get out that Bible girl and get a journal! Don't use a MERE MAN as an excuse not to live in obedience to God! Show your husband your faithfulness to him, by showing him your faithfulness to GOD! Invest in God, and ALL your earthly relationships will prosper as a result!
2) Financially
Finances are the #1 thing couples fight over. I struggle with trust when it comes to my finances because of my previous marriage. When my ex and I separated, things were tight. I was working 2 jobs, my full time banker job and my part time job in the evenings as a waitress, just to be able to make ends meet. It was several months until child support was paid consistently and I decided I never wanted to have to rely on child support to support the kids or myself. I worked hard for everything I have. It may not all be brand new or in perfect condition, but I have no huge debt and no car payments. I never wanted to live off another person ever again.
In my marriage to Spencer, I still struggle with control and trust in our finances. Yes, OUR finances. We are gradually transitioning to handling our finances together. I have to allow him to earn my trust by releasing control. In this way, I'm trusting God with our finances, also. It's not going to be perfect. We will make poor financial choices, but that's just life. We learn from our mistakes and move on. And we don't bring it up every time there is a heated financial discussion happening. Let it go.
3) Physically 😀
Obviously things have changed in the physical aspect of our relationship. I'm still getting use to living with a man, again. Some days are better than others. He has his bathroom and I have mine. His little messes drive me crazy, and mine drive him crazy. For some reason, we as humans are ok with living in our own filth, but other people's mess is not acceptable to us!! It's silly isn't it?
Ultimately I have to remember, my husband is not my enemy. Things are not going to be perfect. We are going to mess up spiritually, financially and physically. Don't hold that agaist eachother. The devil (who is the real enemy) is looking for something to use against you to tear your marriage apart.
Be still, and be proactive in your marriage.
How do we do that?
How are we still AND proactive?
I'm so glad you asked!
I pray over my husband, our kids, and my relationship with each of them very fervently. I try to be very thoughtful and careful about how I word things and how I approach each parenting situation and each interaction with my husband. Instead of blurting out the first thing that pops into my head, I try to take a couple deep breaths, think about it and then respond. I think this drives my husband crazy and sometimes he thinks I'm ignoring him. I'm not though honey bunny!! I promise! Trust me, the prayed over and thought about answer is going to be way more spirit filled than the initial selfish answer I want to give you.
The bottom line, be thoughtful and intentional about how you speak. This applies to everyone, not just your spouse. We seem to be harder on our spouses though because they are the ones we are closest to and most comfortable around.
My focus for this blog is going to shift a little, now that I'm a married woman. Some of what I touch on may be different than what I typically share. Maybe....
First I want to talk about....
BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE!
Anyone call that one? Haha!
Boundaries in a marriage look different than boundaries outside of a marriage relationship. I had boundaries as a single, dating woman to define myself, keep my independence and establish my character. My basic standards remain the same. My boundaries have had to be tweaked and continue to evolve. My husband and I became one when we spoke our marriage vows before God. We are still individuals, and we still have our own personalities and character traits. We are establishing ourselves as a couple and and a family. It's been tricky! We both have kids from previous relationships and we both have baggage from those broken relationships.
Here are some things I have learned these past two months.
My husband is not my enemy
I established my original boundaries so that I wouldn't let myself be taken advantage of. So I would be in control of myself 1) spiritually, 2) financially, and 3) physically.
1) Spiritually
As a married woman, my spirituality and relationship with God is still primarily MY responsibility. My husband is called to be the spiritual leader, but so often we wives use that as an excuse not to take responsibility of ourselves spiritually. "Well, he's not leading me, so I'm not even going to try."
BULL CRAP!
Get out that Bible girl and get a journal! Don't use a MERE MAN as an excuse not to live in obedience to God! Show your husband your faithfulness to him, by showing him your faithfulness to GOD! Invest in God, and ALL your earthly relationships will prosper as a result!
2) Financially
Finances are the #1 thing couples fight over. I struggle with trust when it comes to my finances because of my previous marriage. When my ex and I separated, things were tight. I was working 2 jobs, my full time banker job and my part time job in the evenings as a waitress, just to be able to make ends meet. It was several months until child support was paid consistently and I decided I never wanted to have to rely on child support to support the kids or myself. I worked hard for everything I have. It may not all be brand new or in perfect condition, but I have no huge debt and no car payments. I never wanted to live off another person ever again.
In my marriage to Spencer, I still struggle with control and trust in our finances. Yes, OUR finances. We are gradually transitioning to handling our finances together. I have to allow him to earn my trust by releasing control. In this way, I'm trusting God with our finances, also. It's not going to be perfect. We will make poor financial choices, but that's just life. We learn from our mistakes and move on. And we don't bring it up every time there is a heated financial discussion happening. Let it go.
3) Physically 😀
Obviously things have changed in the physical aspect of our relationship. I'm still getting use to living with a man, again. Some days are better than others. He has his bathroom and I have mine. His little messes drive me crazy, and mine drive him crazy. For some reason, we as humans are ok with living in our own filth, but other people's mess is not acceptable to us!! It's silly isn't it?
Ultimately I have to remember, my husband is not my enemy. Things are not going to be perfect. We are going to mess up spiritually, financially and physically. Don't hold that agaist eachother. The devil (who is the real enemy) is looking for something to use against you to tear your marriage apart.
Be still, and be proactive in your marriage.
How do we do that?
How are we still AND proactive?
I'm so glad you asked!
I pray over my husband, our kids, and my relationship with each of them very fervently. I try to be very thoughtful and careful about how I word things and how I approach each parenting situation and each interaction with my husband. Instead of blurting out the first thing that pops into my head, I try to take a couple deep breaths, think about it and then respond. I think this drives my husband crazy and sometimes he thinks I'm ignoring him. I'm not though honey bunny!! I promise! Trust me, the prayed over and thought about answer is going to be way more spirit filled than the initial selfish answer I want to give you.
I love this passage
Psalm 37:5-8
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes.
Stop being angry!
Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—
it only leads to harm.
The bottom line, be thoughtful and intentional about how you speak. This applies to everyone, not just your spouse. We seem to be harder on our spouses though because they are the ones we are closest to and most comfortable around.
Show the goodness of God to your spouse, every chance you get!
Bye guys!
Thank you for sharing this! I needed it tonight!
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