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Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve! Sitting here on my couch pondering where we’re at right now. I can hear my babies in their rooms, watching cartoons on their tablets while I have my coffee and devotional time. A year ago we were on a very different parenting time schedule than we are now. They would go to their dad’s house for an entire week, then come to my house for an entire week. Over the past year the schedule has gradually changed and now they just go to their dad’s for one day/overnighter every other weekend and I have them the rest of the time. Most of the extra holiday time they would normally spend with their dad, they end up spending with me. I can’t deny the anger and heartbreak I’ve felt for my kids. The way they’re being pushed away makes my mama bear want to come out and hurt somebody. It’s much harder though for me to see my daughter’s anxiety eat away at her when it’s time for them to visit their dad. I wish we were in a place that confronting him on it was possible. It’s j

Helping A Friend Through Divorce

Goodness this is tough to write. For a few reasons. I feel like a failure. Shameful. Guilty. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Less than. God please help me to only say what is needed. Help me to be wise. Thoughtful. Loving. Considerate. Truthful, but gaurded. Let’s jump right in. Don’t pry I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at church, work, the grocery store or wherever and someone asks me what happened. Some people are well meaning and actually do care and want to encourage. Some are just being nosy. In the two minutes I have to chat with you, I’m not going to be able to articulate what happened. You caught me off guard. I’m going to give you an answer that doesn’t give you much information at all. Please respect that. Why you ask? The decision to go through with a divorce is one I’ve wrestled with for over a year. It’s taken a long time to come to terms with it. Sleepless nights, begging God to speak out and tell me what to do. Hours praying for the st

Paper Hearts

I have been trying to process some thoughts today and haven’t really had the chance to completely yet, so I’m going to try now. A couple nights ago, the kids and I were doing some crafts on the living room floor. I kept cutting hearts of different sizes out of paper and the kids kept drawing notes and pictures on the paper hearts. At the end of the night, my daughter gave several hearts to her brother with sweet little messages on them. The next day, we got home from our regular Wednesday night routine and I was having a very emotional/painful moment. I sat on the couch and just cried. The kids both came up to me, put their arms around me and did their best to try to comfort me. We talked for a while about how it’s ok to cry, I was vague about the reason I was crying but told them my heart was hurting a little. My son ran to his room and after rustling around a bit, he came running back out holding one of the smallest paper hearts his sister had given him from the day before. He

Finding Rest

There’s been a lot going on in my life these past couple years. Separations, divorce, marriage, court hearings, more separations, another potential divorce, ups, downs all arounds. Add to that financial struggle brought on some by myself and some by the people I allowed into my life. Finding rest in difficulties can feel so out of reach! What does it mean to find true rest? I’ve spent countless nights tossing and turning and worrying about every tiny detail and playing out every possible scenario. Most of the time I’ll wake up in the morning after a night like that, and feel God ask “Well how was that? What good did that do? Did you solve anything?” Obviously not. I’ll say I’m laying things down at the feet of God, but then I’ll pick it back up and carry it out the door with me. The bottom line here is that God is working for us! He is fighting on our behalf! There is no need for us to lay awake at night, fearful of what the morning has in store. God is working while we

After the Prayer

For the last few days my devotions have been about trusting God. Releasing my anxiety and fears to Him to clear the way for Him to really work. Not to focus on the ending, but to trust He’s working through the journey. Focus on being obedient. I found myself asking “Ok, so what am I suppose to do after I give this over to God? It’s kind of a pressing situation and will need attention at some point.” Well, Worship! Study God’s word! Encourage others and actively serve God! When He lays something or someone on your heart, act! Praise Him and pray without ceasing! We can better discern God’s voice when we stay close to Him. Plus you are going to grow so much more as a person if you are actively waiting. Wait a minute...can that even be a thing?? Actively waiting?? Um, yeah! Athletes, musicians and anyone with a goal in mind doesn’t just sit on the couch and wait for the opportunity to fall in their lap! While they are waiting for their chance to perform or prove themselv

Let Them Come

Good morning! It’s Sunday morning and I’m just finishing up my devotional time. I think I’ve been studying and worshipping for about an hour. It’s been amazing! God is pulling forward different areas of my life to start working on. I’m nervous, but excited to grow in new ways. Like I said, I’ve been sitting here for about an hour studying, praying and singing. I know what you’re probably thinking. I’m not bragging, I promise. It’s very unusual for me to get that much time alone with God in the mornings. Usually when I get up in the morning, I workout, make coffee and get about 15-20 minutes of Bible study time. Sometimes it’s even less. My kids are early risers, and lately my son has been waking up as early as 5:30am! I have just barely finished my workout by then! A couple days ago I had just started my devotions and one of my kids stumbled out of our bedroom into the living room where I was sitting. I was writing out my prayer and I wrote, “God, I’m sorry today is going