Helping A Friend Through Divorce

Goodness this is tough to write. For a few reasons. 

I feel like a failure. Shameful. Guilty. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Less than. 

God please help me to only say what is needed. 

Help me to be wise. Thoughtful. Loving. Considerate. Truthful, but gaurded. 

Let’s jump right in.

Don’t pry

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at church, work, the grocery store or wherever and someone asks me what happened. Some people are well meaning and actually do care and want to encourage. Some are just being nosy. In the two minutes I have to chat with you, I’m not going to be able to articulate what happened. You caught me off guard. I’m going to give you an answer that doesn’t give you much information at all. Please respect that. 

Why you ask? The decision to go through with a divorce is one I’ve wrestled with for over a year. 

It’s taken a long time to come to terms with it. Sleepless nights, begging God to speak out and tell me what to do. Hours praying for the strength to endure and love unconditionally and just make it through another day. 

The words my sister said to me ring in my ear. 

“No one else can make this decision. Not everyone will understand it. But they’re not the ones who have to live your life everyday. They only see what you show on the outside. They don’t see what’s really going on.”

When your friend is going through something hard, instead of asking what happened, let them know you’re praying. Let them know if they want to talk, you’re there to really listen. If they just need to cry, you’re there. Let them know you’re there if they need you. 

Check Up On Them 

This isn’t meant to cancel out the last point. I tend to seclude myself at times and can get really sad. 

Give your friend their space, but check up on them occasionally to make sure they’re ok. Again, offer to just let them hang out. Ask about how they’re doing physically. When I was going through my first divorce, I pushed everyone away and went off the deep end for a bit. It’s taken some time to rebuild those relationships and I just don’t ever want to go back to that place emotionally or spiritually ever again. 

So check up on your friends. Ask the hard questions (not in public places) about how they’re doing spiritually and if they’re struggling physically with this change. I have a couple people who keep me accountable for the physical part. It’s something that’s important to me. I want to stay close to God and remain faithful to Him in this trial. 

Invite Them Out!

Sometimes we can get in a funk and don’t want to be around anyone. When that happens, there’s danger for old habits to take over. Loneliness and insecurity are the worst feelings and can be so easy to give in to. Invite your friend out. I prefer to not be out late drinking and I don’t like to go to bars. Home get togethers are definitely my thing! A safe place to just relax, enjoy godly company and have some good laughs. It’s very healing for the soul. 

I really think that’s all I have for right now. I’m sure there will be more later. Obviously it’s not always going to be perfect and I definitely don’t want people walking around on eggshells. Just be considerate and thoughtful about your interaction when people are going through hard times.

The video I am sharing is the story behind the song “Lift Up Your Hands” by Mark Schultz. 

It’s a great song! 

Check it out after listening to the story behind it!