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Living A Lie







Being married the first time was a shock to me. It brought a lot of new experiences. We were young and immature. We made a ton of mistakes, went through some hard times spiritually, emotionally and financially. We grew up together. Had kids together. Built a life together. It was far from perfect, but we had a lot of good times and made some good memories together. It’s easy to forget all the good and focus on the bad about a person when you’re bitter and hurt. When the life my first husband and I built together came crashing down, people were shocked. We weren’t. There had been so much heartache caused by both of us. I fully accept responsibility for my role in it ending. My ex was loyal until the very end and stood by my side faithfully while I put him through hell the last year of our marriage. I know God has a purpose. His timing and will is above ours.

I am remarried. This second marriage has also been a shock and, again, far from perfect. In some ways, being married again is more of a struggle than the first marriage and more work than just staying single. When I was single, I got close to God, listened to His voice and made plans to do marriage differently if I ever had that chance again. I developed traditions and routines with my babies and family. I’ve worked hard to be independent financially so I would not have to rely on someone else to provide anything for me ever again. 

I titled this article “Living a Lie” not just to catch your eye, but to have an open, honest conversation about the struggles of blending families, second marriages and marriage in general. With my first marriage, we hid the issues from everyone. No one knew we were strugging. No one knew we were barely making ends meet. No one saw the pain and loneliness. Temptation snuck in and I fell hard. Oh I’m sure a lot of people knew. We were good at putting on our happy family faces in public. 

With this second marriage, I’ve made the choice not to sugar coat it. I’m not going to whine and complain. I don’t want this blog to become a “Oh woah is me, feel bad for me!” blog. I’m not going to bad mouth my husband. I respect him and love him. My deepest desire is to learn from our mistakes, extend grace and grow closer to God together. I’ve learned everyone struggles. Everyone has marriage troubles and someone may need to hear our story, or yours! 

Here is what I will speak about.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I’m going to speak truth. I’m going to pray fervently over everything I share and ask God to use my experiences to help someone who may be in the same position, or encourage someone who maybe has been in my position and feels shame. 

The first year of marriage is the most difficult, wether it’s your first, second or whatever! I have to believe God is using these growing pains for His glory. The struggle is testing us and stretching us to make us into the godly people we are called to become.

I have this hope. God will complete the work He started in me! 



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