Why I Say No

A few years back I read the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and it revolutionized the way I thought about relationships with people. I learned you are the ONLY person responsible for your time and finances. WHAT!? Seems like a pretty simple concept, but you don’t realize how much other people influence your choices about how you spend your time and resources.

It’s not bad stuff, in fact a lot of what people are asking or suggesting are things I’d enjoy. There are a lot of community, church, and school events going on these days and I just can’t say yes to all of it. People sometimes don’t realize how much everyone else has going on. I always assume everyone is at least as busy as I am. I will usually say yes to something if I can take my kids with me and think it’s something they will enjoy, or if it's something I am really enthusiastic about and childcare is easily available. Just in this last week, I was asked to go to three different events that will be taking place in the evenings. All of them would require me to rush home from work/picking kids up from school, throwing supper together quickly and finding childcare for my kids. I already know I will be tired from work, the kids will be tired from school, and we will all be hungry and just want to relax.

The very last thing I want to do three evenings that week is to hurry my kids through supper, homework and baths so I can drop them off at someone’s house just to go to an event and think everything I need to be doing to get ready for the next day.

On a similar note, I get invited two or three times a month on average to join parties or groups on social media. My response is, yes you may invite me, but I may not be able to participate much and I can’t guarantee I will purchase anything. I don't ever feel pressured when I'm upfront about it from the very beginning. Let me just say, I support my friends and family who have their own businesses! You are inspirational and I think what you’re doing is great! There will be occasions when I may be able to purchase something, but I can’t commit to hosting parties or joining teams.

So is it clear why I say no? I say no to keep my sanity. I say no because I can’t do it all. I say no because my family time is top priority in my life. They are fun, intelligent humans and I love spending time with them! Someday I may be able to do more, but I’m not willing to sacrifice financially or physically for something that will end up adding unnecessary stress or strain to our life. I also want to set an example for my children. They are going to have the rest of their lives to go places and do things and get involved in whatever they want to. I'm not saying we are going to sit at home like a bunch of couch potatoes either. I think it's perfectly reasonable to get involved in extracurricular activities we enjoy. It's important to know your limits and set your boundaries as a family. This time I have with them right now, is temporary and they deserve my time.

I want to clarify again, I support my friends and family who get involved and reach out. I think what you’re doing is great! You have found creative ways to contribute financially to your home life and it fits in your lifestyle. You are part of groups and activities that appeal to you and grow you as a person! You’re awesome! I respect you and your choices. I sincerely hope you can respect mine also.