Immeasurably More

Goodness this is tough to write. For a few reasons.  I feel like a failure. Shameful. Guilty. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Less than.  God please help me to only say what is needed.  Help me to be wise. Thoughtful. Loving. Considerate. Truthful, but gaurded.  Let’s jump right in. Don’t pry I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at church, work, the grocery store or wherever and someone asks me what happened. Some people are well meaning and actually do care and want to encourage. Some are just being nosy. In the two minutes I have to chat with you, I’m not going to be able to articulate what happened. You caught me off guard. I’m going to give you an answer that doesn’t give you much information at all. Please respect that.  Why you ask? The decision to go through with a divorce is one I’ve wrestled with for over a year.  It’s taken a long time to come to terms with it. Sleepless nights, begging God to speak out and tell me what to...

I have been trying to process some thoughts today and haven’t really had the chance to completely yet, so I’m going to try now. A couple nights ago, the kids and I were doing some crafts on the living room floor. I kept cutting hearts of different sizes out of paper and the kids kept drawing notes and pictures on the paper hearts. At the end of the night, my daughter gave several hearts to her brother with sweet little messages on them. The next day, we got home from our  regular Wednesday night routine and I was having a very emotional/painful moment. I sat on the couch and just cried. The kids both came up to me, put their arms around me and did their best to try to comfort me. We talked for a while about how it’s ok to cry, I was vague about the reason I was crying but told them my heart was hurting a little. My son ran to his room and after rustling around a bit, he came running back out holding one of the smallest paper hearts his sister had given him from the day before....

There’s been a lot going on in my life these past couple years. Separations, divorce, marriage, court hearings, more separations, another potential divorce, ups, downs all arounds. Add to that financial struggle brought on some by myself and some by the people I allowed into my life. Finding rest in difficulties can feel so out of reach!  What does it mean to find true rest? I’ve spent countless nights tossing and turning and worrying about every tiny detail and playing out every possible scenario. Most of the time I’ll wake up in the morning after a night like that, and feel God ask “Well how was that? What good did that do? Did you solve anything?”  Obviously not. I’ll say I’m laying things down at the feet of God, but then I’ll pick it back up and carry it out the door with me. The bottom line here is that God  is working for us! He is fighting on our behalf! There is no need for us to lay awake at night, fearful of what the morning has in store.  God i...