Immeasurably More

Hot dang! I thought these days were behind me. God has been teaching me so much lately. Everything has seemed to be on the right track for a couple months and His word has been speaking so loudly to me, confirming that I'm on the right track. Then today happened. Nothing really specific happened. It really was a good day with the kids. We had such great time together! Then insecurity and anger crept in like the jerk it is. Add a sappy song and it's a perfect recipe for disaster. What in the world!? I think there will just be bad days some times. Fighting the urge tonight to do anything I'll regret. It's hard. The struggle is so real! I'm thankful I have the kids tonight. Thankful I have my parent's to talk me through these emotions. Thankful that Christ Himself has experienced all the same trials He asks me to endure. He goes ahead of me in each situation. Also walks beside me, helping me along. Tonight is one of those lay-on-the-floor-and-cry-out-for-help...

That picture is from my journal today. It's all I could get out in paper. For those of you who don't know, today would have been my 7 year wedding anniversary. We are coming up on almost 1 year of separation, and 3 months of officially being divorced. I got an email notification yesterday from a family website reminding me today was my anniversary. It wasn't like I forgot. I knew it was coming. That reminder though was like a knife to my heart. Things weren't suppose to be this way. This isn't what I dreamed of 7 years ago. I fully accept responsibility for my part in how our marriage ended. I'm not playing the victim card. I've been through counseling and have healed a great deal since it all ended. I'm still human though and have emotions. I'll always remember the big dates from my marriage. I remember the dates we found out we were pregnant with each child. The dates of our miscarriages, and when those babies due dates were. I will always reme...

  December 28, 2016 I have this notebook I take to my work each day. It's full of random thoughts, scriptures and potential blog posts. It dates back to August 2016, which isn't really very long in the grand scheme, but it's amazing to see all I've been through, even just in the past couple months. I started to do better spiritually back in August, but then struggled again for a couple months. A few things I wrote about needed to be brutally edited and intensely prayed over before I could share them with you. I don't want to overshare or post a blog in anger in the heat of a moment. I don't know who all reads my blog, so I want to be super discerning and thoughtful about what I post. I don't want to speak negatively about my ex and the path he's chosen. There's no purpose in it. Of course that doesn't mean I don't have those thoughts at times. I certainly do. I give them to God. Being bitter and negative isn't going to help my s...