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January 9, 2010



That picture is from my journal today. It's all I could get out in paper. For those of you who don't know, today would have been my 7 year wedding anniversary. We are coming up on almost 1 year of separation, and 3 months of officially being divorced. I got an email notification yesterday from a family website reminding me today was my anniversary. It wasn't like I forgot. I knew it was coming. That reminder though was like a knife to my heart. Things weren't suppose to be this way. This isn't what I dreamed of 7 years ago. I fully accept responsibility for my part in how our marriage ended. I'm not playing the victim card. I've been through counseling and have healed a great deal since it all ended. I'm still human though and have emotions. I'll always remember the big dates from my marriage. I remember the dates we found out we were pregnant with each child. The dates of our miscarriages, and when those babies due dates were. I will always remember how we spent each Christmas and Thanksgiving and anniversary. It's hard to think about at times. Not just today. Someone asked me if I was happier now. My immediate answer was yes, but not for the reasons you'd think. I'm happier, not because my marriage ended, but because of where my heart is now. I'm happy because God is using my mess for His glory. I'd do it differently if I could. I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone. It's hard. I've felt so much insecurity, rejection, guilt, anger, hurt and more. God has used this all to shape me. 

Look at these cute babies He blessed me with! I wouldn't trade them for anything! They are both so different! They challenge me and bless me at the same time! They push me to do better and to be a godly woman and example. I sure love them!

 


This song is so amazing 💛 It makes me cry every time! The story behind it at the beginning is so powerful! 






Telling my heart to beat again ❤️




Comments

  1. Julia WahlJanuary 9, 2017 at 7:27 PM

    I love this. I love you. And those babies melt my heart.❤

    ReplyDelete

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