It's Not Me, It's YOU!

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:14‬ ‭NLT‬

Ever hear the phrase “All you need is love!”? Songs have been written about it. Most people in any kind of relationship understand that not to be the case AT ALL, but somehow we still expect everything to magically work out, as long as we love each other. 

Love is not the answer to everything. Love does, however, create an element of security in relationships.

Example: a coworker or associate who lies, cheats, and steals will probably not receive as much grace as your child who does the same. There will, of course, be consequences, but at the end of the day, that child will receive more grace and forgiveness because of your deep love for them. 

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Marriage relationships are complex. We chose to love each other everyday. Yes, we CHOSE to love each other. You need so much more than love in a marriage. 

You need humility.

I did not realize how prideful I was before I married Spencer. This pride and stubbornness is ingrained into my very being!

I want you to think of the most recent disagreement you and your spouse have had. Got it? Who started it? Did you go to sleep with it unresolved and wake up with the tension still lingering? 

Ours was about cat poop. Yes, you read that right.

 CAT POOP!

My cat is usually an outside cat, but with it being so cold outside, she’s been spending more time inside. We let her out a few times a day to take care of her business and for the past few months, she’s been doing great! Well, there have been a couple times lately she hasn’t quite been able to make it through the night, and she’s ended up leaving a little suprise by morning time. 

I don’t like it! Obviously. No one does! I need to just go get her a litter box.... I digress.

Spencer and I were heading to bed one night, talking about the day. I had just let the cat inside and she was running all over the place being loud upstairs.

I said something like “Goodness it sounds like she’s going crazy up there!”

 Spencer said “Oh did you see she pooped in the bathtub?” 

I responded with “No! Did you clean it up?!”

 He said “I’m just kidding!”

I got annoyed and said”that’s not funny, that’s a lie”

To which he got upset and said “I didn’t lie, I was joking.”

I didn’t find it funny. We went to bed angry at each other. Over cat poop.

Not REALLY over cat poop. It was really over our differences as individuals. I didn’t find his humor funny, even though I’ve made similar “jokes”. Both of us were too prideful and stubborn to admit it was ridiculous and move on. The whole dang spat carried on until halfway through the next day! 

Did we gain anything from it? No. 

A little humility in relationships goes a long way. 

Admitting you were wrong, you overreacted or you handled a situation poorly will add so much to your relationship!

Love doesn’t make things perfect, but it enables you to accept your spouses differences, imperfections, and quirks as they come. Love enables you to practice humility. Practice the pause. Practice and learn from your spats!