When I was a teenager, there was a guy who started to show some interest in me and getting to know me, He was about 5 years older than I was if I remember correctly. I was 17 or 18 at the time, so it was a big deal. One if my close friends married this guys brother, so we were around each other a few times over the next couple months. He talked to my friend about me and told her he was interested and she gave him a very serious talk and told him he better guard my heart. He promised he would. We messaged each other on Facebook a couple times and apparently he lost interest and I never heard from him again. It wasn't long after I heard from, my friend that he was seriously dating someone else. My heart was shattered. I talked to my mom about it and she mentioned something about the fact that he's promised to guard my heart. She said it spoke volumes about his character that he was willing to do that. My response was "But he didn't guard my heart!"
What does "guarding your heart" even mean? I really didn't have a good perception of what it meant until recently. Let me tell you, those words sound simple, but are tricky to actually put into action!
Here are a couple things I've found help in keeping your heart guarded.
Boundaries!
You had to know that was coming! You should pretty much just expect see that word in every article I post! Boundaries are so important in every aspect of your life. I would highly suggest you read the book "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend.
No excuses! It's super affordable and life changing!
Boundaries make relationships of all kinds more manageable. If you have boundaries physically and emotionally, its going to take so much pressure off your interactions! As long as you follow through with them, that is.
Here are some examples of what I mean. If you're starting to talk to someone and there is mutual attraction and that "like" feeling, this is the perfect time to set up boundaries! Or communicate your pre-existing boundaries to the other person! It's best to be on the same page right away when it comes to this stuff. Even if it's not going to be anything serious or long term, your boundaries are what guard your heart and your purity.
Everyone has different weaknesses and standards when it comes to physical parts of relationships. The Bible is clear on sex outside marriage. Very clear. I hear a lot of people claim that the Bible is outdated in this area and the culture is different now than it was then. I disagree. If I start picking apart the Bible in this way, when it's SO clear on this topic, I'm saying I know better than God and that is DANGEROUS! I do think there are certain things in the Bible that were cultural. Like no piercings, no tattoos and wear head dresses, but when it comes to God's standard of purity, its absolutely not a cultural thing that has changed over time. The standard is the standard.
When I consider what physical boundaries should be, I consider my weaknesses. I consider from past experience, what situations I've been in where I feel most vulnerable to temptation, and I try by best to avoid those situations.
Emotional boundaries would include not oversharing. I daydream a lot and imagine what life would be like someday if God blessed me with a spouse, again. I think that's fine as long as your mind isn't going places it shouldn't, Oversharing your daydreams can be a dangerous road. It really connects people emotionally when they share their desires with each other prematurely. Some things don't need to be shared. You can always talk to God about them! He knows the desires of your heart anyway, Pray about them and see what he does. (pssst I bet it'll be immeasurably more than you hoped or imagined!!!)
Being very aware and cautious with your physical and emotional interactions with people is what I believe guarding your heart looks like. It's not cold or rude to set boundaries. You're showing yourself respect! It's showing you're secure in your relationship with God, so much so that YOU know your heart is worth protecting!
When He guards YOUR Heart
For a while, even after I knew what what guarding my own heart looked like, I still had no clue what it meant for a man to guard my heart. I recently started talking to someone and as we are getting to know one another, there have been moments they have started to say something and stopped. He knew it would be too much for me at that moment. He knew it would make me feel things and want to say things that we both knew would be too much emotionally for now. That takes SO much pressure off our friendship!
Enjoy just getting to know someone! Their character and thoughts! Be willing to wait on the physical and be discerning about what you share emotionally. If you do this, you can have a lot of really good, healthy interaction with all kinds of different people! You can really learn what you like in a person and what doesn't work with your personality!
Guarding your heart, while not easy, is SO worth it!
I'm absolutely CERTAIN there will be people who disagree about no sex outside of marriage. I'm not going to argue this point, but I will point you in the direction of a Bible study on the YouVersion Bible app that is AMAZING!
Check it out! It's only a 5 day devotional, but you could totally do it all in an hour. It's worth it!
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