Hey Hey!
I'm introducing some new words into the mix today! If you've stuck with me on the blog this far, you probably understand the basics of boundaries and why I care so much about them. It's time to start a conversation about your standards for yourself, and your expectations of others. We've established the importance of boundaries and the importance of guarding your heart. NOW! Moving forward in friendships or relationships of any kind (but specifically of the dating kind) let's talk!
Standards
Your standards are qualities that are important to you. They include your personal boundaries and moral principles. Here are a few examples of my personal standards:
1) I strive to actively pursue a close relationship with God.
2) I budget each paycheck carefully to and try to make wise choices about where the money goes.
3) I try my best not to talk negatively about people, and I'm very cautious with what I share.
4) I have open communication with my family and close friends.
5) I try not to isolate myself because I know when I'm isolated, I struggle with my past temptation.
6) I'm open with people about my boundaries and I expect them to be respected, even by me. It's not fair to my own heart if I make the boundaries and then disregard them.
7) When I have the kids, my focus is on them. If I'm invited to hang out with people or asked to help with a work or church thing, I usually say no. Unless it's something I think the kids will enjoy or benefit from. My kids deserve my undivided attention when I have them. I'll regret it later if I'm not actively investing in them spiritually and emotionally when they are in my care.
These standards are mine. My own.... my precious..... (definitely said that in a Gollum voice)
I don't project these standards on anyone else. They are standards I have established for myself because I know keeping them makes me a better mother, friend, and woman of God. I do pray for these qualities in a future spouse. When I was a pre-teen, my mom encouraged me to make a list of "requirements for a husband" and pray over them. My list when I was a 12 year old was very short and lacked any kind of real depth. The only qualities directly related to my future husband's character were he needed to be a christian and respectful. Those are definitely important qualities, but it takes more to build a healthy, God honoring relationship.
Expectations
We move on to expectations and what it looks like to have realistic expectations of people. At this point you may be thinking "Good grief! You think you're perfect and there's this perfect person waiting around who meets everything on your list!". Like I said, I don't hold everyone I meet to these standards. The only other person I hold to these standards is my future potential spouse. It makes dating and doing life together so much simpler if you have the same mindset and goals as your partner. In new friendships and relationships I try to keep my expectations of other people pretty low. Then there's not as much emotionally invested if after a couple weeks of talking, I realize their standards aren't as high as mine. We can still be friends, but I can't invest emotionally in a serious relationship with them if our standards and values aren't similar. This is where guarding your heart comes into practice. You can go in to a dating situation with confidence, knowing that you won't compromise your integrity. You can be open about your standards and what's important to you. By being open and asking intelligent questions, you will be able to see, through their reactions and responses, if their standards are similar to yours. (I plan to write about questions to ask when dating and in a marriage in a later post). There are ways to ask questions and have conversations so it doesn't seem like your interrogating the person. I can usually tell pretty early on if someone is going to be just a friend, or potentially more.... I have a lot of friends. I don't go in to a date type situation thinking this could be "the one". I go into it expecting to learn about a person and have a good time. If you keep to your boundaries, standards and keep realistic expectations of the other person, you can have an enjoyable time and keep your heart guarded!
What are you thinking? I assume people think I need to lighten up and stop taking things so seriously. How we interact with people is a serious thing! You're involving your heart and someone else's heart. I've played with far too many hearts and caused damage to the people I loved most because I didn't take this stuff seriously. How you treat people and the respect you have for yourself says everything about your spiritual walk and character. You're a picture of Christ to the world! This is a huge responsibility and we shouldn't take it lightly!
It can get frustrating, all this interaction with people who's standards aren't as high as your own. It's tempting to settle. You're plugging along in obedience to what God's called you to, and even though you have low expectations of others and you're guarding your heart, sometimes you just miss the closeness of a person.
Then
BLAMO!
God smacks you in the face with a person you never thought existed! They have the same standards and moral principles as you! They not only respect your boundaries but the also have their OWN boundaries!!! They are actively pursuing a relationship with God, they're mature spiritually and good with their finances! They are so open with communication, they care to ask you what you're thinking! WHAAAAAAT!? They guard their heart. They guard your heart. They encourage and support you in your everyday life and spiritual walk!
There's a quote going around that says "I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now."
That's YOU now! You were faithful to God and now He's blessing you with immeasurably more! More than you even asked or imagined!!!
I want to encourage you to continue guarding your heart and stick to your boundaries and standards. You still don't 100% know if this person is your person. Be respectful of each other and stay pure and faithful to God.
So in conclusion, having high standards for yourself and realistic expectations of others will help you guard your heart.
Just for kicks and giggles....Here is the list of "Requirements for my Husband" from my very first journal when I was 12, and here is the updated list of "Desires for a Spouse and Goals for Myself" from this past May. Enjoy! :-)
I'm introducing some new words into the mix today! If you've stuck with me on the blog this far, you probably understand the basics of boundaries and why I care so much about them. It's time to start a conversation about your standards for yourself, and your expectations of others. We've established the importance of boundaries and the importance of guarding your heart. NOW! Moving forward in friendships or relationships of any kind (but specifically of the dating kind) let's talk!
Standards
Your standards are qualities that are important to you. They include your personal boundaries and moral principles. Here are a few examples of my personal standards:
1) I strive to actively pursue a close relationship with God.
2) I budget each paycheck carefully to and try to make wise choices about where the money goes.
3) I try my best not to talk negatively about people, and I'm very cautious with what I share.
4) I have open communication with my family and close friends.
5) I try not to isolate myself because I know when I'm isolated, I struggle with my past temptation.
6) I'm open with people about my boundaries and I expect them to be respected, even by me. It's not fair to my own heart if I make the boundaries and then disregard them.
7) When I have the kids, my focus is on them. If I'm invited to hang out with people or asked to help with a work or church thing, I usually say no. Unless it's something I think the kids will enjoy or benefit from. My kids deserve my undivided attention when I have them. I'll regret it later if I'm not actively investing in them spiritually and emotionally when they are in my care.
These standards are mine. My own.... my precious..... (definitely said that in a Gollum voice)
I don't project these standards on anyone else. They are standards I have established for myself because I know keeping them makes me a better mother, friend, and woman of God. I do pray for these qualities in a future spouse. When I was a pre-teen, my mom encouraged me to make a list of "requirements for a husband" and pray over them. My list when I was a 12 year old was very short and lacked any kind of real depth. The only qualities directly related to my future husband's character were he needed to be a christian and respectful. Those are definitely important qualities, but it takes more to build a healthy, God honoring relationship.
Expectations
We move on to expectations and what it looks like to have realistic expectations of people. At this point you may be thinking "Good grief! You think you're perfect and there's this perfect person waiting around who meets everything on your list!". Like I said, I don't hold everyone I meet to these standards. The only other person I hold to these standards is my future potential spouse. It makes dating and doing life together so much simpler if you have the same mindset and goals as your partner. In new friendships and relationships I try to keep my expectations of other people pretty low. Then there's not as much emotionally invested if after a couple weeks of talking, I realize their standards aren't as high as mine. We can still be friends, but I can't invest emotionally in a serious relationship with them if our standards and values aren't similar. This is where guarding your heart comes into practice. You can go in to a dating situation with confidence, knowing that you won't compromise your integrity. You can be open about your standards and what's important to you. By being open and asking intelligent questions, you will be able to see, through their reactions and responses, if their standards are similar to yours. (I plan to write about questions to ask when dating and in a marriage in a later post). There are ways to ask questions and have conversations so it doesn't seem like your interrogating the person. I can usually tell pretty early on if someone is going to be just a friend, or potentially more.... I have a lot of friends. I don't go in to a date type situation thinking this could be "the one". I go into it expecting to learn about a person and have a good time. If you keep to your boundaries, standards and keep realistic expectations of the other person, you can have an enjoyable time and keep your heart guarded!
What are you thinking? I assume people think I need to lighten up and stop taking things so seriously. How we interact with people is a serious thing! You're involving your heart and someone else's heart. I've played with far too many hearts and caused damage to the people I loved most because I didn't take this stuff seriously. How you treat people and the respect you have for yourself says everything about your spiritual walk and character. You're a picture of Christ to the world! This is a huge responsibility and we shouldn't take it lightly!
It can get frustrating, all this interaction with people who's standards aren't as high as your own. It's tempting to settle. You're plugging along in obedience to what God's called you to, and even though you have low expectations of others and you're guarding your heart, sometimes you just miss the closeness of a person.
Then
BLAMO!
God smacks you in the face with a person you never thought existed! They have the same standards and moral principles as you! They not only respect your boundaries but the also have their OWN boundaries!!! They are actively pursuing a relationship with God, they're mature spiritually and good with their finances! They are so open with communication, they care to ask you what you're thinking! WHAAAAAAT!? They guard their heart. They guard your heart. They encourage and support you in your everyday life and spiritual walk!
There's a quote going around that says "I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now."
That's YOU now! You were faithful to God and now He's blessing you with immeasurably more! More than you even asked or imagined!!!
I want to encourage you to continue guarding your heart and stick to your boundaries and standards. You still don't 100% know if this person is your person. Be respectful of each other and stay pure and faithful to God.
So in conclusion, having high standards for yourself and realistic expectations of others will help you guard your heart.
Just for kicks and giggles....Here is the list of "Requirements for my Husband" from my very first journal when I was 12, and here is the updated list of "Desires for a Spouse and Goals for Myself" from this past May. Enjoy! :-)
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