Immeasurably More

Hot dang! I thought these days were behind me. God has been teaching me so much lately. Everything has seemed to be on the right track for a couple months and His word has been speaking so loudly to me, confirming that I'm on the right track. Then today happened. Nothing really specific happened. It really was a good day with the kids. We had such great time together! Then insecurity and anger crept in like the jerk it is. Add a sappy song and it's a perfect recipe for disaster. What in the world!? I think there will just be bad days some times. Fighting the urge tonight to do anything I'll regret. It's hard. The struggle is so real! I'm thankful I have the kids tonight. Thankful I have my parent's to talk me through these emotions. Thankful that Christ Himself has experienced all the same trials He asks me to endure. He goes ahead of me in each situation. Also walks beside me, helping me along. Tonight is one of those lay-on-the-floor-and-cry-out-for-help...

That picture is from my journal today. It's all I could get out in paper. For those of you who don't know, today would have been my 7 year wedding anniversary. We are coming up on almost 1 year of separation, and 3 months of officially being divorced. I got an email notification yesterday from a family website reminding me today was my anniversary. It wasn't like I forgot. I knew it was coming. That reminder though was like a knife to my heart. Things weren't suppose to be this way. This isn't what I dreamed of 7 years ago. I fully accept responsibility for my part in how our marriage ended. I'm not playing the victim card. I've been through counseling and have healed a great deal since it all ended. I'm still human though and have emotions. I'll always remember the big dates from my marriage. I remember the dates we found out we were pregnant with each child. The dates of our miscarriages, and when those babies due dates were. I will always reme...

  December 28, 2016 I have this notebook I take to my work each day. It's full of random thoughts, scriptures and potential blog posts. It dates back to August 2016, which isn't really very long in the grand scheme, but it's amazing to see all I've been through, even just in the past couple months. I started to do better spiritually back in August, but then struggled again for a couple months. A few things I wrote about needed to be brutally edited and intensely prayed over before I could share them with you. I don't want to overshare or post a blog in anger in the heat of a moment. I don't know who all reads my blog, so I want to be super discerning and thoughtful about what I post. I don't want to speak negatively about my ex and the path he's chosen. There's no purpose in it. Of course that doesn't mean I don't have those thoughts at times. I certainly do. I give them to God. Being bitter and negative isn't going to help my s...

Hey guys! This post is random and short and you won't gain and spiritual or emotional insight or wisdom from it at all. It's purely informational to satisfy your curiosity. I've been asked a lot lately if I kept my married name after the divorce. Yes. Yes I did. Man I could totally just end this right here! A lot of you have asked why, so here's how I came to the decision.  I originally intended to change my name to "Katie Winzer-Baird" when my ex and I separated. I went ahead and changed it on Facebook, mostly so people would be aware we weren't together anymore. There were a lot of awkward conversations right after we split and making the small change on social media seemed like it would help.  I really wrestled with this choice.  I chose to stay Katie Winzer.  Even though our relationship and marriage ended, I had no emotional pain attached to my name. My kids names weren't going to change. The process of changing back to my ...

Hey Hey! I'm introducing some new words into the mix today! If you've stuck with me on the blog this far, you probably understand the basics of boundaries and why I care so much about them. It's time to start a conversation about your standards for yourself, and your expectations of others. We've established the importance of boundaries and the importance of guarding your heart. NOW! Moving forward in friendships or relationships of any kind (but specifically of the dating kind) let's talk! Standards Your standards are qualities that are important to you. They include your personal boundaries and moral principles. Here are a few examples of my personal standards: 1) I strive to actively pursue a close relationship with God. 2) I budget each paycheck carefully to and try to make wise choices about where the money goes. 3) I try my best not to talk negatively about people, and I'm very cautious with what I share. 4) I have open communication with my fam...

December 10, 2016 "Hey girl, you hanging in there?" That's what she said to me when I saw her this morning in the coffee shop. I'm not super close to this lady. I think I've talked to her twice directly and it was always super quick and just small talk. It struck me and normally I would have just smiled and said something polite to indicate that yes, I was hanging in there. Not today! There have been moments in my life this last year, when I would have answered this differently. Probably the way she was expecting. Moments when I could barely pick myself up off the floor. Moments I was so insecure, I turned to alcohol, smoking and men to try to fill the hole. Moments I was just trying to numb the pain and drink myself to sleep so I could wake up, just to make it through another day. I immersed myself in a lifestyle that was so unhealthy for my body and heart. Those days were the days that I was "hanging in there" But not today. Today I said ...

When I was a teenager, there was a guy who started to show some interest in me and getting to know me, He was about 5 years older than I was if I remember correctly. I was 17 or 18 at the time, so it was a big deal. One if my close friends married this guys brother, so we were around each other a few times over the next couple months. He talked to my friend about me and told her he was interested and she gave him a very serious talk and told him he better guard my heart. He promised he would. We messaged each other on Facebook a couple times and apparently he lost interest and I never heard from him again. It wasn't long after I heard from, my friend that he was seriously dating someone else. My heart was shattered. I talked to my mom about it and she mentioned something about the fact that he's promised to guard my heart. She said it spoke volumes about his character that he was willing to do that. My response was "But he didn't guard my heart!" What does ...